Not So Mighty Thor

God Of Thunder Thunderwhelms

review by Tony Freitas

Come on take a ride on my disco stick

I'm not a fanboy nor a comic book geek.  However, I read plenty of comics as a child and in fact oftentimes punishment  for childhood misdeeds included destruction of comic books by angry parents. Favorites were Daredevil, The Flash, Plastic Man, Spiderman The Sub-Mariner and of course The Mighty Thor. I remember making an oversized poster of Thor in 4th or 5th grade for some school project, so apparently I was quite taken with the son of Odin. Unfortunately I can't say the same for Marvel's latest franchise to hit the screen. While there are many things to admire about Thor, it's a lazy film that brings nothing new to the genre.

Thor isn't a bad film by any means - it has a capable script credited to three writers: Ashley Edward Miller, Zach Stentz and Don Payne. The special effects are professionally rendered -  and it's got actor /director Kenneth Branagh. Yet Thor is a vexing exercise in utter mediocrity. All the elements are in place for a promising and fun superhero romp. No such luck.  Thor is pure pedestrianism. Other than the actors -who are uniformly well cast and game for the challenge - there's nary an ounce of originality, daring or showmanship to be found. We've seen it ALL before. 

The first quarter of the film is the Origin Story. The middle - The Fall From Grace. And the final quarter is The Redemption.  Of course these are classic elements of storytelling and comic book hero lore. But Jesus, make them fresh and relevant with a nod to what's going on in the world today. Even the musical score is  nondescript and blasé, a less than rousing version of so many superhero orchestral arrangements that have come before. How about a little Clint Mansell or Phillip Glass for a change up. 

Fangs for the memories...

And then there's the CGI. Can't we change that up too. Nothing to see here that you haven't seen before. The oft repeated grey blue tones of the Bifrost Giants of Jotunheim and their world are like out takes from Lord Of The Rings - The Version You've Seen. An umpteenth version of the Kraken monster - release me from the release of the krakenesque creature that seems to haunt so many films recently - is all fangs and no bite. I'd like to see an original monster that doesn't look like a version of the last 20 CGI movie monsters.

While I'm complaining can we talk about phoniness for a second? The small New Mexico hamlet where most of the action takes place has got to be the phoniest movie town since The Truman Show. It looks like it was built ten minutes ago specifically for the movie.  A cluster of buildings in the middle of the desert do not a town make. Director Branagh seems to be going for a gunslinger showdown at the Okay Corral but what he's ended up with makes Frontierland seems like the height of western realism.

This has got to be the dullest Rainbow Bridge ever. Turn up the wattage would you. Indeed, the entire film could use a power boost.

Also working against Thor is the Earth/Asgard split. While much humor is mined from Thor's earthbound exile, half the film takes place at the end of the rainbow bridge in Asgard. When we loose Thor's earthly connections and the fish out of water aspect, the film's energy dips. And while we're in Asgard can we talk about the rainbow Bridge for a moment. This has got to be the dullest Rainbow Bridge ever. Turn up the wattage would you. Indeed, the entire film could use a power boost.

"A little neglect may breed great mischief"

So now time to say a few nice things. Chris Hemsworth as Thor is a terrific mix of warmth and pomposity. He is an ideal Thor, if not exactly the Thor of Marvel comics. He's a younger hotter version of Frasier Crane without the bumbling. Tom Hiddleston as Thor's angel-devil conflicted brother Loki lends depth that is nearly Shakespearean. And speaking of Shakespearean, Sir Anthony Hopkins who seems to have been slumming through films lately - The Rite and The Wolfman prime examples -  seems invested here as Thor's father Odin. His rich voice and countenance lend Thor needed gravitas.  Natalie Portman is Thor's love interest, scientist Jane Foster. Fresh from her Academy Award win, she follows in the footsteps of Sally Fields in post Oscar film role choices.  This is Portman's Smokey And The Bandit.  And, while not exactly an Oscar worthy performance, she gives a nice light frazzled performance that is slightly more memorable than fellow Oscar winner Goop as Pepper Potts in the Iron Man franchise.

That there will be a sequel to Thor seems a done deal.  That's not necessarily a bad thing. Now that the origin set-up is out of the way, it should free further Thor films to step outside the box a bit. The elements are all there for better films in the future; especially with the formidable Hemsworth and Hiddleston at the forefront. We'll get another taste of Thor in The Avengers film in 2012 that unites him with Iron Man, Captain America, Nick Fury and the Hulk. Perhaps there's still fun to be had the next time we take a ride on Thor's disco stick... er... hammer.

Fast Five - A Cinematic Hand Job with Happy Ending Included

Review by Tony Freitas

Fast Five may be an unintentional lesson in script writing. I wanted to see it on opening day because the screenwriter was someone I used to know. Not like we were bowling buddies at Lucky Strike or taking extended fishing trips while our wives waited at home with boning knives to filet and prepare the fish upon our return, but I'd had several conversations with Chris Morgan about the craft of writing when he was working on a project for the production company I was employed by, and though he'd yet to hit it "big" at the time, he was on his way.

Apparently Chris Morgan is doing something the studios like. First with the script for Cellular, which led to The Fast And The Furious - Tokyo Drift, Wanted, Fast And Furious and now Fast Five, Chris has made quite the ascension in the summer movie franchise sweepstakes.  With his easy-going, non-pretentious and affable demeanor I do a silent cheer every time I see his name attached to a project. Not that he needs my help. He has reached the top 1% in the screenwriting trade on his own and seems to have a beam on the pulse of audience desire.

Fast Five is a lesson in giving the audience what they want. Giving the audience the characters they want and the dialogue they want to hear coming from those character's mouths. Fast Five gives the audience the cars and adrenaline and gunplay and crashes that discerning viewers have come to expect and are paying mightily for at the box office.

While I was rolling my eyes the audience appeared to be eating up the clunky one-liners, laughing heartily and digging on the Vin Diesel vs. Dwayne Johnson mano-a-mano mildly homoerotic smack down wherein the two men are only distinguishable by Vin's matte finish muscles while The Rock goes with a glistening baby oil/sweat muscle finish that makes his beefy 30" arms look like a pair of underground-roasted Kalua pigs. Is that a banana leaf poking from under his arm pit?

Give the audience what they want: A crack team of experts of various nationalities, ethnicities and skills.  Something to appeal to the foreign markets. Give 'em a hot skinny Italian chick who might fall down if she doesn't eat in the next month. Give 'em a yin and yang team of Portuguese explosives experts that interact like Ralph Kramden and Ed Norton. Finally, give 'em a finale set piece that actually thrills for the first five minutes and then like most Saturday Night Live sketches goes on for ten minutes too long.

Fast Five is exactly what you think it is. It won't disappoint, but it won't really surprise either. Well, except for that finale set piece that involves a safe. Think of Fast Five as a two-hour trailer for Furious 6 - Fast Cars in Outer Space coming summer 2013. Give 'em what that want Chris and more power to you.